NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

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My mantra this year: “I can do anything I set my mind & body to”.

No more bitching and moaning about my life or my body, 2013 is the year I change it all completely. This time next year I will have the body of my dreams and be happy and content with everything in my life.

I have already come so far; from a obvious drug and alcohol addiction, severe depression, 98 kilos, no commitment to anything not even my health and wellbeing – this year is simply a year to improve on all the good I have already done.

Here is my list of non-negotiable New Year resolutions:

1. Get to goal weight of 70kg or less.
Currently I am sitting at 78 kilos which is what I weighed in high school. This year is all about getting to 70 or even 65, and having a low body fat percentage and be extremely muscular. I am no longer ‘losing’ weight as I am rejecting negative words from my vocab (except ‘rejecting’ and ‘negative’ as I need those two to explain my vow to a positive outlook on life) I am now getting rid of excess weight or killing fat.

2. No alcohol (In Australia, other countries are ok)
This is seemingly a big ask for someone who had issues with alcohol, but I don’t drink that much anyways. I compiled a list of the positives and negatives of drinking, and found zero positives. So it is now on the list of no no’s. Not that I won’t drink in Spain or Paris when I travel there in May – but that will purely be a taste thing and not a binge-drink-until-I-pass-out thing.

3. Save Money & stick to a budget.
I am actually a horrible saver, last year my resolution was to save money – but I didn’t say to keep it, so this year am switching up the game. If it is not budgeted I do not buy it. I need to have at the very least $5000 in my bank by December 31st 2013. I need to make a budget weekly, and budget for my expenses and the rest stowed away in a savings account. I have however allocated $66.66 a week to be saved, so that every three weeks I have $200 where I can have some retail therapy, otherwise I will surely go mad.

4. Travel overseas
Okay yeah I put this in because it is an easy one to achieve (especially when you got plane tickets to Europe for Christmas). I am going to Spain, London, Dubai and France, and I cannot wait to finally explore the world outside of New Zealand and Australia.

5.Stop bitching so much.
This is a good one for Arieh’s sake. He now will no longer need to hear me bitching about other girls, other boys, other people, other things. As bitching is a negative attitude I shall eliminate it from my life. And hopefully be a better person for it.

6.Every week I need to do one activity for at least an hour that is relaxing.
I am always so ‘go,go.,go’  I need to take a chill pill and actually make myself sit down and relax. Whether it be Tai Chi or meditation- I have to do it for my wellbeing. It will also aid the fat killing as I am too stressed atm for my body to even break down the fat.

7.Random Act of Kindness monthly. (RAOK)
I got the idea from this from my cousin Larissa (http://larissatuara.blogspot.co.nz) who over Christmas did a “12 Random acts of Kindness” challenge. It was pretty awesome to read, and it seemed like she felt better inside because of helping others. So instead of putting the usual “7.Volunteer more” resolution, this one seems like it is possible to stick to. So I am dedicating the 20th of every month as my Random Act of Kindness day and will also do the 12 days at Christmas.

8. Sew more.
Last year I finally got my hands of my first sewing machine (cheers mum) and learnt the basics of sewing. I have fallen off the wagon a bit- what with work etc- and need to get back on. I wish to buy one sewing pattern every 2 weeks and complete it, thus furthering my skills at fashion design.

9.Every time something good happens, right it down and put it in the “Feel Good” jar.
I bought a cheap glass container and every time something good happens to me this year, however big or small, I am going to write it down and put it in the jar. At the end of the year, I will whip them out and read over the hopefully awesome year I have had.

10.Stop hanging out with negative people.
This year I am cutting negativity right out of my life and that means the negative people in it too. I refuse to take their crap any longer, I don’t need to listen to people who are negative about their lives and mine. This just brings me down, and I won’t do it any longer. So if you are negative to me or others this year, expect to be taken off my birthday guest list.

11. Get a boob job.
Yeah, I want boobs so bad. So as a reward to myself for saving and getting the body of my dreams I will treat myself to a boob job. Only once I am completely happy with my body and the amount of money saved.

12. Do a bikini photo shoot.
Preferably after said boob job, this has been a goal of mine for years as it will signify the complete body overhaul that I have done.

13. Learn something new.
I got a book for Christmas from my mum regarding real estate and how to invest properly in it. I think that shall be my ‘something new’ this year, so I can finally understand how it all works and possibly even aid my boyfriend in his New years resolution of buying his first house.

15. Learn a new language.
Since I am going to Spain, I believe learning Spanish would do me some good with locals when trying to find my right shoe size or ordering tapas. So it is agreed, by the time I go to Spain in May I will know the basics of Spanish.

16.Hang out with friends I have lost touch with.
But not the negative ones, they can stay lost. I mean people who I once considered good friends who I have lost touch with or have just grown apart from. Everyone needs good friends, and not just the facebook kind.

18. Stop stressing so much.
This ties in with the relaxation part, I worry and stress over everything and it clearly is doing me no good.

19. Get my drivers licence
And stop being so illegal when I drive.

20. Read 6 new series I didn’t think I ever would.
I don’t know if I will count Lord of the rings or Game of Thrones as they are really just not me (I have attempted to read them on numerous occasions)

21. Watch 5 new movies and TV series you didn’t think you would like.
I never watch new movies, it is time to expand my vision from just watching anchor man a hundred times over. Time to get some action and romance into my blu ray.

22.Stay awesome.
I have to stay awesome, that is something you can’t just find again once it is lost.

And that’s everything. I think I have covered all my bases here to have a great year. Of course I will continue to update this blog with all my journeys and what not (even if not many people read it haha) But I wish everyone an awesome and happy new year, and may you all stick to your own resolutions! WILLPOWER PEOPLE.

Lauren x

Stop & take a look around, the world is an amazing place.

ImageI want you all to take a second from your lives and actually think about and appreciate all the wonderful things that you have going for you at the minute. Push the negatives to the side for a sec. 

You are alive.

You are breathing.

You have your sight.

You are intelligent.

You are filled with energy.

You can accomplish anything you set your mind to.

At some point in your life, this very moment is everything you ever could have wanted. It was all you dreamt about. You are in a better position then someone else in this world. Somewhere, Someone is dying, has no food or shelter, is disease ridden. But here you stand, healthy and alive.

By this time tomorrow you could be in an even better position than you are right now. You have the power to change the future with positive thoughts and actions.

Something can be improved because you have the ability to improve it. You can think, you can act, you can evaluate, make corrections, and persist until you get it right.

Yes, some things are beyond your control. That’s all the more reason for you to make the very best of those things you can influence and improve.

Yes, there are a lot of negatives in this world. But to be really gay for a minute… YOLO (“you only live once” for the non drake fans). You can never relive this moment right now. One day you and your friends and family will no longer be on this earth.

So stop taking this life for granted and live to it’s fullest. You don’t have to be a superstar, or be jet-setting around the world every couple of days. You just have to stop and think every now and then that “hey, this isn’t such a bad life I have”.

Take a moment to truly realize all the good things you have going for you this very day. Make every day count.

Live, Love & Sparkle.

xImage

Hello Kitty all day errday

100 Reasons why I love Arieh Laverty

This one is for the boy who’s the cutest mister,

Top hat, suited up he’s the coolest mister,

When he dancin’ in the club he be tearin’ it up,

Got stacks of jew gold like he savin’ up.

 

And he ill, he real, he an electrician that skilled,

He pop bottles and he got the right kind of build,

He cold, he dope, he might drink coke,

You might turn him down, but he always re-aproach.

He a motherfuckin’ freak, freak, Captain of the geeks, geeks,

Nigga aint weak, weak, stronger than a greek, greek.

That’s the kind of dude I was lookin’ fo,

And yes you get slapped if you lookin’ ho.

 

I said excuse me, you’re a hell of a guy.

I mean, my, my, my, my like pelican fly,

I mean you so shy, and I’m loving you when you pectoral fly,

You’re sicker than all the other guys and you never get high, oh.

Yes I did, yes I did,

Somebody please tell him what the eff this is,

This is yo anniversary gift, I ran out of cash,

But I hope you still buy me somethin’ flash.

 

Heh.

Today is our one year anniversary – and I thought as a gift to pookie ( ^____^ ) I would compile a list of 100 reasons why I love this dork.

1) You are super cute.

2) I like the way your face looks.

3) You make me feel like I can achieve anything I put my mind to.

4) You support majority of the decisions I make.

5) You make me want to better myself everyday.

6) You are a Jew & like money. I also like money.

7) You know just what to say when I am feeling down.

8) When I am sleep talking you try to hold me close & make sure I know it’s okay. (Unless I am attacking you in my sleep)

9) You’re a little weird.

10) Thomas and Peter are always around.

11) You give me uppies.

12) I can talk to you about anything.

13) You’re my best friend.

14) I like cooking for you.

15) You pretend to care when I talk about clothes.

16) You accept that I am also a little weird.

17) We are complete opposites of each other but somehow we work.

18) I feel safe when I am with you.

19) You forgive my mistakes.

20) We fight over cheesecake and Eminem.

21) You never get jealous or weird when I hang with my guy friends.

22) You drive me places.

23) You have dreams and goals; and try to achieve them.

24) I forget all my issues when I am with you.

25) You are patient with me.

26) You have a derpy smile.

27) When you answer your phone for work you go all serious voice on me.

28) You can’t stay mad at me for long.

29) You are the smartest guy I know.

30) My family and friends like you.

31) You balance me out (You’re sensible, whilst I am not)

32 )I love the way we finish each other’s sentences.

33) We make a super cute couple; we are dead sexy.

34) I love wearing your hoodies.

35) You always know what I am thinking.

36) Your cuddles are super awesome.

37) So are your squiggles.

38) You drop everything for me;even when you don’t want to.

39) I always get to watch what I want to on TV.

40) You always kiss me before you leave to go to work.

41) It’s been a year and you are still not sick of me.

42) I love how you protect and defend me.

43) I love how you try to make the bed.

44) I love laying in bed with you and talking about nothing.

45) You don’t put up with bullshit.

46) You are shy around other people; but a complete nutcase around me.

47) You smell pretty.

48) You appreciate brand names, and agree that we should both be decked out in them ;)

49) You’re a little messy; but it’s okay because I am obsessive clean.

50) You workin’ with some mad shit, you bad yeah. ;)

Half way. 

51) You think I am cute.

52) You are…. how shall I say… well endowed.

53) You a freak in the sheets.

54) You make mad beats.

55) Your muscles are ridiculous.

56) You have that ‘V’ thing.

57) You are original and quirky.

58) You have a nice taste in fashion.

59) You don’t have any crazy ex girlfriends (well not yet anyway)

60) You get all jealous when I talk about Eminem.

61) You like watching trash TV with me.

62) You eat so much and don’t get fat.

63) You encourage me to not eat badly and workout with you.

64) You try to teach me how to drive manual.

65) You try to be mister serious but you end up being mister immature.

66) You get me.

67) You’re my world.

68) You have lovely cheek bones (your mum helped with that one)

69) Heh. Yeah 69 don’t need no explanation.

70) I love your eyes.

71) You sing while you poo.

72) You never let me fail.

73) I can never stay angry at you, coz you’re too cute.

74) You work so hard.

75) You commit to everything that you do.

76) You are random.

77) We could talk shit for hours.

78) You are a little retarded.

79) You’re white.

80) You grow winter fur.

81) The way you look at me.

82) The way you look at your car.

83) Your obsession with your car.

84) Because you love me too.

85) Because I never thought when I was in Primary that I would ever be able to have you alllll to myself.

86) When I am too drunk you always look after me.

87) You never complain about driving me places.

88) You always give the best gifts.

89) Your voice.

90) How you say you won’t take shots with me, but get peer pressured into doing it with my friends.

91) You’re positive.

92) You’re the mickey to my minnie.

93) You make me feel so happy.

94) You’re the best boyfriend.

95) Everything feels like it will be okay as long as you love me :)

96) You are a tradie, YUM.

97) When we fight, I know it’s not forever, and you don’t make me feel like I don’t deserve you even though – sometimes I don’t.

98) I know you will always be there for me.

99) Overall you are an amazing person.

100) Because I just do.

 

Happy One year pookie. I love you with all my heart and always will.  xxxImage

Advice for my 14 year old self.

  • Advice I would give to my 14-year-old self. It is as follows:

    First of all, slow your load. I get that your hormones are raging. Cool. These hormones might make you want to just dry hump all over every boy band or rapper, but you can’t go around hoping to make out with celebrities all the time! They don’t know who you are. Take the poster down from your room and go out and meet some real human flesh people that actually know you exist.

    Except for that one guy.

    No. I take that back. Make out like crazy with that one guy, let him buy you pancakes and hold hands with him on the street and miss him when he is gone, but realize that you are 14 and all things pass when you are young and stupid. I want you to not be so crazy about him. I want you to never curl up in a weak little ball when he leaves, I want you to realize that there are billions of people on this Earth and you will be smitten with many of them. Please note that some other person will come along. 

    Seriously. He was a jerk. You had fun, and I want you to always remember what it is like to feel so excited about somebody, but he was a jerk.

    That being said, I don’t want you to be so cynical. He isn’t the only example of relationships, because he was a demon sent from hell to destroy your heartstrings. He is not the promise of people to come.

    Remember being vulnerable isn’t something you only do when you are young.

    Just because that boy doesn’t like you now, doesn’t mean that in 7 years from now you won’t be living with him in his childhood home that you used to stalk. Because that totally does happen eventually.

    Fill your I-Pod up with terrible music so you can one day loudly sing that music when you are 21 and drunk on a rooftop.

    Stop wearing so many denim skirts they look stupid. Stop buying shirts with ‘cool’ quotes on them from Supre. There are better things to do with your money… and Supre is for dero skanks.

    Give your best friends more hugs. They are seeing you at your most emotionally idiotic, and there will come a time where your friends will no longer want to hear you yap for seventeen hours about that guy you still love from high school. Because they have jobs. 

    Realize that many of these friends will go away, and you will soon make new ones who ask ‘so how were you at 14?’ Let them know. Tell them about that time you lived in Jesse Mccartney T-shirts and spent too many hours pretending to be a skater girl. Laugh at this.

    Go to class. Embrace doing assignments till 6am, hold onto your tiny young problems like citing 8 sources because these will all go away when you have to pay rent and do taxes.

    Learn shit. Read your textbooks, and be super knowledgeable about the Industrial Revolution or Jane Eyre and be a smart person who knows stuff. Use your brain while you still have people feeding you information into it.

    Get a job. Learn now what it feels like to work for your money. Have a paycheck and stop asking your parents for so much ‘clothing’ money. Build your character this way.

    Do your laundry.

    Don’t smoke because you can. You’ll get fucking hooked and it’s expensive.

    Be a kid. 14 isnt old. Watch Disney movies and wear pajamas with characters on them and stop trying to get into alcohol right now. There’s time for all that desperation later.

    Fuck peer pressure. Do it because you want to.

    Have the best summer possible. Eventually, summers will be hot days where you sweat out in your work clothes and you only can BBQ on the weekends. Go out on a Monday and lay the hell out on a field with your lemonade and listen to music and just do nothing. Wear sunscreen.

    Don’t buy so much boost juice, it’s a waste of money.

    Have fun by yourself.

    Don’t try to figure out your whole life right now. You can change your mind about your ‘life path’, and you will do so often. At 14, you are not at your smartest. Enjoy that you will only get smarter.

    Tell that person you LIKE like them. Embrace getting rejected, or making out with somebody you like, or all of the extreme emotions you find yourself feeling all the time.

    Don’t dye your hair a stupid color. Pierce something, take it out when it’s time.

    Be a bit reckless because your responsibilities aren’t as big.

    No, it’s not that bad. It’s not that big of a deal, and you should just RELAX about it.

     

    You’re not fucking fat. Stop eating so much Lean Cuisine and measuring your thighs out. Stop comparing yourself to models. Stop worrying about how you look in a bikini, because you will just look at pictures of yourself five years later and think ‘damn, I looked good.’

    Close your computer. Go out in the sun.

    Stop worrying what those bitchy girls think about you. Don’t feel so insecure about other women, and don’t hate other girls because some of them are mean to you. Love your girlfriends. Overshare stupid secrets with them about how you once ate a whole tub of ice cream or really like watching the oc . Establish now other girls are not the enemy.

    Acknowledge the fact that girls are only bitchy to people that are threatened by you. Let it go, walk away. Stop getting into fist fights with girls who will most likely be pregnant in 5 years from now.

    Take lots of pictures. Keep a journal. Write bad poetry so you can read it back and remember how weird you were.

    Learn good grammar, the difference between your and you’re and then and than.

    Stop arguing with your mum so much. She loves you. Don’t just scream at her because she doesn’t want you to stay out past midnight, she’s just worried.

    Love yourself, love this time. It goes away fast.

Facebook Rant

I tried for so long, not to be ‘that girl’. You know the one, the one that disses facebook, but uses it religiously. I can no longer refrain myself. There are so many things on facebook that drive me insane, that if I do not rant, I may go postal. It’s not so much facebook itself, more so the people. Blocking their posts from my newsfeed only means that when I do profile stalk them, I have a build up of not just one frustrating status but 50. So here goes. My rant.

Starting with what is DEFS the most annoying.

IF YOU ARE DATING SOMEONE FOR LESS THAN 4 MONTHS, THEN YOU DO NOT LOVE THIS PERSON.

I cannot stress this enough people. The absolute bullshit that clogs up my newsfeed everyday makes me want to stab my eyes out.”Oh i love ________ SO MUCH, after everything we have been through we are still together” “Can’t wait for snuggles with the LOVE OF MY LIFE”.

NO, NO, NO, NO. You DO NOT love this guy/girl. You have known him/her for less time than I have owned my favorite pair of jeans. True love doesn’t happen over night. And for the record, if you are fighting/breaking up and then getting back together within the first three months, or trying to work through all your issues together then guess what. It aint gonna work people. And this cannot be further from the truth. Two weeks ago you were in ‘love’. Now you are sending death threats and hating on each other because you have ended it. Not real love my friends. STFU I am so sick of hearing it.

Staying within this topic, FIGHTING ON FACEBOOK *mhmmm mhmmmm shakes finger*

Fighting on facebook takes my respect for you, eats it, shits it and then buries it in a hole. You cannot look more trashy or derelict then when you are fighting with someone else on facebook. If you wish to fight somebody, take it to real life. Go find them, destroy them WITH YOUR FISTS not your fingers, record it, and then bring it to facebook so at least if my respect has gone down for you I can still have something interesting to watch at 11:30 at night instead of cats on youtube.

If you are having a shitty day/week/month/year/life and you post this on facebook: “*insert sad life quote here* some things never change, I am a shit cunt and will be for the rest of my life”. You best be DAMNED READY TO TALK ABOUT IT. If you are going to the trouble to try and get people to feel sorry for you then you might as well finish the journey, tell them your sob story and receive all the compliments you have been begging for. But if you post on that status after someone else has asked if you’re okay or what’s wrong, and you reply with “I don’t want to talk about it’, then you are on a train straight to unfriending my friend.

Stop hashtagging. I signed into facebook not twitter. Hashtagging on facebook DOES NOTHING. You just make yourself  look like you cannot differentiate between the two.

If a life changing event has just happened, a celebrity has passed away, Christmas was awesome, the weather is shit and people need to post a status about it, cool. I don’t care, in fact I usually join in. What shits me are the smartass people who make a status aimed at these people. Example: ‘Oh I don’t need a weatherman, because facebook already is’. Ha. Not. STFU, jesus people. You are double as annoying, you go out of your way to destroy everyone’s happiness.

If  I want to play castleville. I will play castleville. Go for it send me requests thats fine, but stop ‘showing facebook your achievements’. There is a high chance that no one cares.

I love a selfie. I am the queen of selfies. So i am not here to say stop being obsessed with yourselves. But I cannot stand people who post a picture of themselves and who are so up themselves they proceed to ask you for likes/comments, ask you if you think they look gorgeous, or compare themselves to someone ridiculously good looking. Furthermore, unless I have added you and you are a legitimate FANPAGE then I have added you as a FRIEND , I am therefore you’re friend. I am not a ‘fan’, I did not ‘like’ your ‘page’ so I am not here to see your stupid posts and then be asked for an opinion like you’re some sort of celebrity. You are not. You are just like the rest of us so stop acting like you are better than me.

Stop Typing Like This. Therre Is No Need For A Capital At The Start Of Every Word. stp typin lik dis tOo u suond lik a fukin retard.

Unless your dinner is an edible candle ‘a la heston’s feasts’ or exact cake replica of a portal cube, don’t post a picture of it to facebook. No one cares.

In conclusion:

I have barely any friends left because everyone is so damn annoying, I cherish the ones I do have because I feel like we have a bond, a bond of not being annoying, and actually trying to be awesome. Everyone should try to be more like us, and everything will be sweet.

#facebook is full of annoying douches

x

“Real women have curves”

Everyday I have to hear this phrase, and this phrase is KILLING ME. “Real women have curves”.

There are SO many things wrong with this statement, but I will start with the blatently obvious.

Firstly it implies that anyone who does not have curves can therefore no longer be classified as a women. Which is fucking ridiculous. Ladies, if you have a vagina and some form of tits, then you are a real woman. Tall, skinny, curvy, athletic, short, round I don’t care, no one should be shamed because of their body types. But some ladies just make it real hard not to be criticised. It makes no sense at all that these are the ladies that also bitch about stereotypes and men wanting skinny girls… ladies here is a tip, if you stop criticising everyone else’s bodies, then maybe the stereotypes will go away.

Take for example a post I recently commented on facebook, it was a picture of Nicki Minaj in a bikini at the beach. The amount of women who were not perfect themseleves putting Nicki’s body down was ridiculous. “Oh she has cellulite ew”, “What a fat ass” but aren’t these the same women who want no photoshop in magazines and for everyone to look “natural”.

Secondly, I have noticed that majority of the women saying this are not just curvy, they are quite large. I am not here to say oh shit, you guys are fat. No. Because it is everyone’s freedom to be whatever size they want. But stop saying you are curvy. You are not curvy, you are fat. Own it.

It seems to me that this whole “Real Women have curves” bullshit is stemmed from trying to make up a believable excuse to hide the areas they are not proud of. That it is used as a form of defence… “Oh look how skinny she is” .. “Yeah but real women have curves”.

EVERY WOMAN IS A REAL WOMAN NOW STFU.

While I am on the topic of size, I might as well address a few of the issues I have with women and weight. Women who go clothes shopping, and then bitch and moan that the pants they want don’t come in their size, it doesn’t fit or shops make nothing for the ‘bigger girls’. This is bullshit too. I am not a extremely skinny woman, I have recently lost quite a bit of weight. When I went to the shops and nothing fit me, I didn’t bitch about it, I took it as a message to lose the weight to fit into the clothes created at my fav shops. Simple. If you do not want to lose the weight, then don’t walk into DJ’s young adult section and expect to fit a pair of skinnys. There are shops out there that have been created for the ‘bigger girls’ if you don’t like their range of fashion, then you know what to do.

Women who think confidence will just grow out of thin air (literally) if they become a size 8. Confidence is something you have whether you are a size 8 or a size 28. If someone wants to go to the beach and wear a bikini and they are a size 18, stop bitching about it. Good for them. They clearly have confidence and love their bodies. Dropping ten sizes wont give you confidence, you have to believe in yourself and love yourself first, it’s not going to come with a smaller pair of pants.

As long as you are happy and healthy, then who cares about what size you are or if you have curves.

Things I am bad at

  • Grocery shopping and not buying junk food and mostly cheese spread
  • Watching the Kardashian’s and not rolling my eyes so far into the back of my head I can see my brain
  • Liking something without wanting to hate it first
  • Waiting for new episodes of Gossip Girl without exploding
  • Tying my shoes in public without dropping everything that is in my handbag all over the sidewalk
  • Returning phone calls, emails or texts at any speed other than ‘if I want to lick your face I will respond, if I do not and you are not a boss of mine, I will slowly lower my eyes at this technology and pretend I do not know how to use it in a timely fashion’
  • Refilling ice trays at any time other than the times I won’t use ice for three weeks
  • Dancing or taking selfies without making the stupidest of faces or the ‘duck’ lips
  • Not greeting every dog and cat on the street with a “hello” as if I am tipping an imaginary hat to it. If I could steal you cutie, I would.
  • Telling someone I was running late because I spent thirty minutes watching cats on youtube and trying to get my lipstick on without looking like a dead prostitute
  • Wearing a jacket when it is cold outside. Rather than wearing it whilst I am sweating through my clothing because it is so hot outside and why did I wear this jacket?
  • Watching infomercials and not wanting to buy everything they produce
  • Going shopping and not spending my entire bank account
  • Doing things on time, instead of waiting till the last minute
  • Having one beer and not fifty. Who even has one beer? Let me meet this person, shake his hand, then set him on fire and punch his head in for setting this crazy standard of one beer. YOU HAVE TWO BEERS MINIMUM AND THAT IS THE LAW.
  • Leaving my phone alone for longer than 5 minutes
  • Finding a celebrity attractive without becoming creepily obsessed with them
  • Taking my friend’s reasonable advice
  • Not wanting to say the line YOU SHALL NOT PASS!! like Gandalf nearly every second of every day
  • Eat a whole sandwich and managing to not let any of the ingredients fall out
  • Keeping eye contact with an attractive person for more than a millisecond
  • Going to bed at a reasonable hour. If there are cats on the internet I will watch them
  • Giving solid high fives
  • Enjoying the company of real people rather than reddit or imaginary people from tv shows or books
  • Not using my breasts as a table whilst leaning against my wall in bed, perfect spot for drinks with straws or my laptop
  • Watching a horror movie without yelling sarcastic comments whenever somebody is clearly about to die to prove that I am not scared, still maybe peeing my pants when the killer comes out and slices out all their face
  • Keeping my tights in any shape that is not ‘ripped to shreds by the angry invisible badger that somehow claws its way through all of my things’
  • Resisting the urge to use my fingers to lap up all the sweet, delicious saucy pasta sauce or cheese sauce at the end of my completely finished plate
  • Taking home leftovers and waiting to eat those leftovers when I am actually hungry, no, sir, I will just eat all of them after unhinging my jaw the second I get home
  • Finding anything I need at any given time
  • Shaving my ankles
  • Turning down cheese
  • Walking in heels without breaking my ankle at least once
  • Doing my hair that is a style that is not ‘rats nest frizz nest come on, check out my sweet hair of felt and doom
  • Putting together an outfit that doesn’t make me look like the kid that really, really wants to be cool but pretty much fail
  • Pretending to like somebody when I really want to drown them in a shallow pool
  • Doing anything that is attractive to people I want to sleep with, unless if those people are insane because then they will be attracted to me
  • Not imagining myself as Nicki Minaj everytime she sings